Love is in the air

Surprisingly knew that a friend of mine is following my blog.. Luckily he is not kind of 38 person. Thanks god! If you read this again, yea, I am talking about you :)

Feeling great to start a change in life. At least not doing nothing anymore. Busy with my works recently which made me feel release. Release of what? Release from thinking. My brain non-stop thinking, this is my weakest point. Thinking of people, things, this & that. Really tiring...

Diana is never spend her off office hours in Work.. Off means off. But then now I have different thought. If you want yourself not to think on something/someone, it is better to make yourself BUSY, really busy. It's work on me!

I am not trying to escape of course. Really have too much thing to handle which let me have such a chance to figure out actually my life can be better. Sometime people always think that they are unseen, but actually they aren't. Your effort can be seen someday, not now but may be later?!

There is too much things happened/happening on me lately which made me cherish myself & my life more. I learnt that actually I can been through everything myself. I am independent enough to accept and make decisions.  I am going to turn 26 in this end of month, may be of increasing on age so seems like getting more emotional. But it's ok, I have friends or may be "friends" :)

xoxo Diana

What is so special about you?

Who are you? What is so special about you? How to quit this game? I don't want to play with it anymore... I am lost! You are unknown!

Another heart beats attacked

15.05.2013

A had a friend, a friend that didn't contact for 6 years although he "parked" on my Facebook for years. We don't chat at all and we don't even have much memory on our friendship.

One day, he texted me which really surprised me. And thing goes good and smooth between us. During our conversation, he started to approach me by saying words like"chasing". I thought he was joking or even until now I am not sure whether he is telling the truth or not. But I should admitted that my heart is shaking because of his sweet reaction toward me. 

I started to love his voices, feel excited to his reply and started to wait for his call. I feel bad if I didn't receive any news of him, lost appetite, worrying and so on. I am in fever now and I keep telling myself that," hey, stop dreaming. He is just fooling you and how could a person suddenly approaching you. And if really that he did, also will not cross the topic so fast by saying marriage and etc." I am touched when he lower down his voice by saying those words. Although I am in doubt but somehow I wish it's true.

I started to give myself many excuses and I did something wrong by trying to give him hopes of future growth on relationship. 

i am wrong, i am wrong. Girl, this is your future and once you make any mistake and there might be no "undo". Now, I am questioning myself again. Will I manage to end and start again? How am I going to end and start? I afraid to regret and I don't wish to let either.

承诺

可能是年纪渐长，对爱情的了解更是灰。
当初，也差一点被甜言蜜语给骗了。
婚姻可以是美满的，但现今的社会，很难再找到这样的纯纯的恋情。
金钱是每个人的寄托，是多是少，还是要它来过活。
没有了它，就等于没有了世界。
不要和我说，有了爱情就不要面包。这件事只会发生在当下，以后会为了这件事而闹到天翻地覆。“我怎么当初这么笨，会相信你的话。”
要了解，爱情是两个人的事。不是因为单方面的影响，可以改变的结局。
也不要为了利益，家庭的影响而踏上了婚姻。
越来越现实的社会，不会因为你的用心而改变。
一不小心，可能就成了别人的晚餐。
承诺更是女性的致命杀手。
很多女生，因为当初的那份纯情而被承诺骗了：
相信我，我会照顾你一生一世。
不管我们是贫是富，我们都相依到老。
为了你，我会不顾一切的让你幸福，等等的承诺。

Complicated Feeling

It has been a long time i didn't write post here. Long enough for me to forget about this site.
There are a lot of things happened since the day i left this blog active.
Today, i feel to write out my thinking and my feeling.
As everyone know that, there are so many things which cannot be tell and it's hard to keep in your heart.
No matter how hard it goes, we need to find our own way to release.
Writing in a blog could be a better place to share the deep secret in heart.
Someone will choose to go for massage, travelling, eating.. .. but all these things cannot be done immediately.
I am not active in blogging, so i feel safe here.
"Sometimes, i doubt on the decision i made or going to make. Whether there is any "Undo" mode after things decided. That's how regret called. I do not want to make any regret in my life and i have been asking myself for many times. I read back the post that i wrote years ago regarding my own relationship, it's conflict with the feeling i had now. Due to his immaturity and the way he handles things, i feel like no confident at all. If it's time to step into marriage stage, when he is proposing to me, i am scared that i will say "Sorry". I don't know whether you are the right man for me? Whether we will have a happy ending? I am starting to doubt on the ending."

为什么爱他？

昨天，有位同事问了我一道问题，让我顿时哑口无言。其实，这道问题无论问谁都好，大家一定也会像我一样吧？她问：“你为什么爱你的男朋友？”如果换成是你们，你要如何回答这么深奥得问题呢？

其实，爱一个人是没有理由的，是一种特殊的感觉让我们走在一起，是一种安全感把我们结合。不是吗？还是我的爱情太简单？

（列）是我大哥以前的死党，但我和他从来没有见过对方。直到，我被教育部派到石山去当临教师，我认识了一位好朋友，而很巧然的她也是（列）的前同学。她也成向我提起这个男生，说他人不错，对女朋友很好。没想到，正在一个星期前，（列）从Friendster认识了我，我们也交换了MSN，就这样火花不知不觉地开始盛开。在石山，我也成了我朋友女儿的干妈，更巧的是，从她口中得知，（列）也是她女儿的干爸。巧合吧？还是冥冥中的安排？

当时，我是美里客家公会亲年团的公关，而我们公会主办了捐血活动。我向（列）提起了，但是我没想到他既然答应要参加一份。当天，说实在的，我稍微打扮了到会场，而他，也不另外（我昨晚问了他才知道的）。哈哈！（列）他来了，带了一位同事陪他壮胆。就这样，他把他第一次/最后一次的捐血的经验献给了我。而他，捐了血就昏昏沉沉的躺在床上。我很好奇，其实他很怕血，为什么还要来捐血呢？我问了他，他说：“要是我那天没去捐血，我和你就不会有今天了。”感动吗？我哭了~

然后，他被我给吸引了。刚巧，我假日在学校有活动，所以没有回美里。而他，茫茫然的驾车到石山去找我。虽然，到石山不远，只需要1个小时15分钟的车程，但是（列）是不懂路。他只是靠着他那大概大概的方向去到了石山。而途中还走错了方向，花了他一些时间。没想到，他会对我如此痴迷。哈哈！我心动了~

我记得在2008年农历7月半当日，是星期五，据说我们小学有很多奇奇怪怪的事，所以胆小的我就回美里了。哈哈！当晚，（列）约了我出外用餐，而我们去了Deli France然后到Bintang Megamall走走。因为是鬼节的正日，所以我们很早就回家。在回家的路上，他带我转过了Esplanade海边，也就很自然的，他牵起了我的手，我们就这样开始了。没有前因后果，没有理由，就是那种感觉，我们走到了今天。回想起，（列）带给我的点点滴滴，会让我眼眶泛泪，是喜悦的泪，感动得泪直到如今也是如此。

我同事又问了我一道问题：“ 要是你和他母亲同时一起掉进海里，（列）会救谁？”我傻笑了，虽然这道问题无聊度100%但是问下也无妨嘛？哈哈~ 所以，昨晚我问了（列），我万分叮咛他一定要想清楚，不用直接答我。过了将近一个小时，他有了答案。他说：“我会救妈妈。” 我就问他为什么，他说：“因为妈妈辛苦把我们养大，要报恩。”那我又问他：“你舍得把我给放弃了？”他回答：“不是，我认为年轻人应该可以比较有耐力求生。”

什么话啊？虽然我口口声声说我不会在意答案是如何，但是心里就是不舒服。得到答案以后，我在面子书上post了这道问题，也得到了一些朋友的答案。百分之90%是说救母亲，甚至还有说，妈妈只有一个，女朋友可以再找过。哈哈！

那晚，我和（列）到After 3去喝茶，也提起了这件事，我掉泪了。为什么呢？因为我伤心，我很坦白的告诉了（列）。他说：“Dear,看到你伤心我很难过，相信我，我会保护你的，真的。”这时我更是哭了，是感动得哭。哈哈！我很感性吧？

无论说起哪件事，我都会哭，每一滴眼泪，代表着不一样的感受，有喜有悲。我很庆幸，我有你！

新发型，新脸孔

昨天和（列）去了发型屋，我也换了个发型。

记得三，四年前剪过刘海以后，就没再打这个念头。虽然还算不错，但就是没这个勇气。

他，Louis  Saloon 的 Technical Advisor，俗称大牛，我干女儿的爸爸。认识他也有一小段时间了！因为我被教育局派到小市镇去当临教的关系，所以就和他的太太变成了朋友，再和他的女儿撤上了关系，然后每个星期跟他的车上石山（所谓的小市镇），就这样熟了。哈哈！

以前还是小小的模特儿，对舞台经验也有一定的认识，所以去年的八月，把我的处女发型秀献给了他。哈哈！我头发超少，又短，怎么能当发行模特儿？哈哈~ 天下没有不可能的事！

Tah Lah.. 很狠的表情，扮演着魔女的角色，发量比原本得多100倍呢！我的头很重很重，而我的偏头疼又发作了，成果不是很理想 =P

哦！又离题了~ 这次，我再次尝试刘海，一点点米奇的刘海。因为我得发量很少，所以大牛不建议我剪米奇头，但是我就是要嘛！所以他稍微留了个微微的尾巴给我。哈哈！

剪之前，他三番四次地问我，怕我后悔。我每次都是这样的回答：“头发嘛，还会长，不用怕！最多不是给人笑三个月？”哈哈！ 我很随和，凡是能赚回来的，长回来的，都没太在意。

今天上班觉得怪怪的，我的同事说我像小孩子，读书妹。很不习惯呢！还有一个更离谱，还以为我是新来的呢！

挺不错的嘛，偶尔换一换发型，给人不同的感觉，心情也跟着不同起来。赞！